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| banks whomp - try not to use them so much. I'll explain later.
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| I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real.
The needle tears a whole
the old familiar stain
tried to kill it all away
but I remember everything
What have I become, my sweetest friend
everyone I know goes away, in the end.
And you could have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down. I will make you hurt.
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liars chair
full of broken thoughts
that I can not repair.
Beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here.
What have I become? My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away, in the end.
And you could have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down. I will make you hurt.
If I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find... a way... | | |
| It goes without saying that I'd have to vote my nephew for the cutest kid ever award. Not only does he put on great shows, but he remembers and understands way more than I think anyone ever gave him credit for - at the same time this completely breaks my heart...
I was preparing my dinner last night when my nephew who was putting on a show for Kim and I ever since we walked in the door, started walking back and forth with a completely confused look on his face saying something about "I can't find my dad, he went to the store. I can't find my dad." At first I wasn't sure if he was talking about Paul or someone else, I just knew he was saying it, and it had caught my complete attention.
Without stopping he turned on his heal and looked at me saying, "I don't know where my dad is, I lost my dad. He went to the store and then he was- I lost my dad." by now I was blown away because at first what I thought he had been saying was true, and my dismissal of it being about Paul was way off...
"I lost my dad I can't find him he went to the store and now I have this (rubs the 2 inch scar on the crown of his head) and blood was everywhere. Where's my dad?"
..................
I lost it. I lost it bad...really bad.
All I could think was here this 3 year old was, never going to get to learn who his dad was and here I was, a single 23 year old male feeling completely powerless in the situation. It just doesn't seem fair that it had to be the 25 year old who had a wife and son instead of the 21 year old bachelor.
I guess I could go cliche and say that everything has a reason / purpose for happening - but sometimes you just don't feel like hearing that.
Sorry to have thrown my burdens in the faces of those who read here..
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| Not
even 10 minutes ago I was attending the memorial service for Adam Ray
Beltz... Now I feel compelled to mention it at the least to those who
already read this, or those who might stumble across it so that they
might see that great people can be taken from this world in a matter of
moments - sometimes less than a second.
The program outline for the service stated:
Adam Ray Beltz
Born: Nov 26, 1984 - Springfield MO
Passed: Feb 6, 2006 - Buffalo MO
Services: Friday, Feb 19, 2006 - 10am
Buffalo High School Field House
Officiating: Dr Doug Earls and Rev Ken Hostetler
Pallbearers: Jason Beltz, Jenny Beltz, Eric Beltz, Matt Beltz, Kevin Stevenson, Casey Rash, Darren Cheek
Honorary Pallbearers: Evan Henderson, Jarod Campbell, Stan Jovich,
Jansen Otterness, Travis Pierce, Jeff Hardison, Steven Cotter, Jason
Kubla
Music: Charles Beltz, Jerry Campbell, Phil Perkins, Jesse Mahan, Piano - Betsy Earls, Sally Beltz
The pamplet read:
Adam Ray Beltz, son of David and Kathy Beltz was born November 26, 1984
in Springfield, Missouri. His Precious life was cut short by a car
accident in Dallas County on February 6, 2006, he was only 21 years old.
We want to tell you about our ADAM. Adam had a capacity to love that
few people have. Adam didn't know a stranger and touched all he met.
Folks from all over the nation have called with their story of Adam
touching their lives. A young friend called from Korea and shared that
he was doing great because of Adam's help. Adam was always bringing
friends home in need and sharing his bedroom or his possessions for a
few days or months or years.
Adam had an outgoing personality. He loved the outdoors and the beauty
of God's creation never missing an opportunity to hunt or fish. Adam
was a member of Calvary Chapel and went on several mission trips. Adam
had compassion for the hurting and the homeless. He cried as he
listened to some of the stories at Victory Mission and asked Dad how he
could help.
He participated in FFA and was a member of a team that won several
competitions including 1st place in the State Soils Competition. He
also participated in several sport activities and won over 100
wrestling matches.
Adam was preceded in death by both his grandmothers, Sharon Beltz and
Louise Noll. Adam is survived by his twin brother, Eric, his older
brother Jason, his older sister, Jenny, and his younger brother, Mathew
and his parents. He is also survived by both his grandfathers, Charles
Beltz and Raymond Noll and a host of aunts, uncles, cousins who miss
him dearly.
An Adam Beltz Memorial Fund has been established to reach out and
assist the youth of the community. Contributions can be made at the
Funeral Home, Calvary Chapel, or the O'Bannon Bank.
I've always known David Beltz and
his kids. I don't remember them not being there. One of the most
influential parental figures I've ever met has had to of been David.
His love for community children is surpassed only by his love for his
children. It's no surprised that his love which reflected Jesus
Christ's would also be found in his son, Adam.
I was thinking the day after he passed and couldn't even think of
anyone that disliked Adam. After hearing some stories from his closest
friends, about some of the things I didn't already know, it was clear
to me why I couldn't think of anyone that disliked him...
It's passings like this that you step back and wonder how you're
impacting those around you. I know that I'm not affecting those around
me as well as I should for the Lord.
As well as Adam passing in that fatal car accident, Logan Bradley was
also in the car. He's in critical condition at St. Johns Regional. 6
months ago, Logan lost his father to a car accident - his family needs
our prayers - both families need our prayers.
I learned last night right after I got home from Adam's visitation,
that another Buffalo youth had died in a cary accident. Matt Webb died
in Memphis last night in a car accident. He graduated last year from
Buffalo High School and I hadn't heard from him since. His family as
well needs our prayers.
Life is fleeting all around us, Carpe Dium and Eo Cum Deus... God Bless You All
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| anyone
ever wonder if it's even worth trying to get closer to new people? is
it really worth all the worry everyone around you goes through as to
whether or not you're going to ditch them or moving in on their
'territory.'
I also can't help but wonder how bonds can just be thrown aside without
question - we sure have become civilized throughout our existence...
Call me friend - or admit that I'm not. whatever you decide, be true to
both of us; white lies are what suicide dreams are made of!
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